| Location | Blackburn Lancashire |
| Age | 0 |
| Date of Birth | 2002 |
| Date of Death | 11/2003 |
| Visitors | 1,637 since 20/04/2007 |
| Creator |
22/1/02 11/11/03
Aged 22 months
my name is katrina im 26 and i have 3 children and 1 on the way this is my story on
22nd jan 2002 i gave birth to my son nathan he was my 3rd child.he was so well behaved he developed very slow and had a lot of problems by the age of 9 months he was allergic to the sun and would develop blood blisters if the sun came in contact with him. he spent a lot of time in and out of lots of different hospitals he had very bad problems with his immune system and was most of the time very poorly but after all he was going through he always had a smile on his face he was so happy by 16 months old he was learning to walk and you could see him walking along the furniture he would always dance to the music and he loved going to nursery but because he was always ill i put of having his mmr.i ended up giving it to him at 19 months because my gp thretend me with court 1 week after having it he was in hospital with a severe reaction to the mmr his blood count was nill he was sevearly ill.he was transferd to pendelbury childrens hospital he had a bone marrow test and showed he had a condition called HLH ( Hemophagocytic lymphohistiocytosis ) it is a verry verry rear form of cancer with only a 40% survival rate. i wished so much that he would be ok but everyday the doctors kept telling me just how ill he was and i just didn't want to listern i wanted my baby to be ok.they said that because of his condition he needed to start chemo so he started that and was on daley blood and platlets transfusions because his body was attacking his own immune system. he couldn't talk and he couldn't make any noise at all even when he cryed he couldent even say mummy anymore, he spent 6 weeks in hospital and he hadn't eaten anthing i had to force feed him till the doctors finally put afeeding tube down him, i had to hold him in my arms while they but it in , seeing him so upset was killing me but i hoped with the tube he might get better, he was dying in front of me and there was nothing i could do but hope for a miracle.
he was on 13 diffrent drugs for infections that he kept getting more because of the chemo, his own immune system was killing him and they hoped the chemo would stop it . the only way to cure him was a bone marrow transplant but he needed to be well to do it . we were all tested to see if we matched and would have to wait for the results but he was getting worse he would always sit on my knee and watch tweenis he loved that so much he would watch it over and over again. i spent every day, every hour with my son and would rock him in my arms to sleep. he got so bad he was hooked up to moniters because of his breathing and it got so bad that they had to put him onto oxegen. it was a sunday night and he suffered a nose bleed he lost so much blood they took 10 hours replacing it he had been up for the past 48 hours because he was having breathing problams and i was so tired because i had not had any sleep and i shouted at him to just go to sleep and he cried even more i didn't mean it i just wanted him to sleep and get better i hoped so much that if he just got some sleep he would feel better but he just got worse that night thay took him to icu it was sunday they hooked him up to a life support machine and had to sadate him because he was fighting it and thay needed him to rest he was moving his little arm to find me and i held his hand and he held my finger so tight and then he was sadated and he let go.on the monday he got worse and by now he had 14 drips conected to him. they had changed the machine because the first one wasn't strong enough he was on 100% oxegen they hoped that they could ween him off it but he was needing more and you can only go to 100% and even with that his saturations was falling on the tuesday thay told me he was still geting worse and that thay would do another bone marrow test to see if his condition was getting better and if it was they would continue but it wasn't meant to be they told me that even if his condition was better he wouldn't have pulled through because his heart and lungs wear failing and the best thing for him was to let him go it was the worst thing in my life, i decided that my other kids should come and say good bye my sister came aswell ,he was on life support when they came in and got
scared but said good bye. i always said that we all came into this as a family we should all go as a family. thay took him off the moniter and disconnected him and was placed in my arms and he was gone in seconds
I hoped he would wake up or even try to breath but he never did my kids came in and held him and said a proper good bye we got lots of pics of him thay took hand and feet prints and locks of his hair for me, i got him christend just before he died. he died on tuesday
11 november 2003 rememberance day,i found out that his mmr had caused his condition and if he hadn't of had it he would still be hear . i buried him a week later and the week after that i gave birth to a little boy i named him nathaniel after his big brother .it is so weird because nathan was born on a tuesday died on a tuesday buired on a tuesday and his brother nathaniel was born on a tuesday at the same time nathan was born on. people keep telling me it gets easy but for me it gets harder and harder each day not long ago we got the results of the blood tests that they took for nathan to see if any of us wear a match for him and we found out that nathaniel would have been a match and he is a match for stephanie my daughter. i have also been told that there is a 50/50 chance that this could happen to stephanie so im so scared of loosing her and my son nathaniel had a heart condition so life for me will never get better all i can do is sit and hope i dont loose another child
I have now been told that my daughter will need a bone marrow transplant to stop her from developing hlh she is due to have the transplant on the 4th may 2007 so not long now and my son nathaniel will be the doner , if everything gose well she will be home before her 9th birthday im due to give birth on the 19 july 2007 so im hoping and praying that history dosent repeat itself but all i can do it hope for a mirical that i never got before
UPDATE 8 sep 07- my daughter had her transplant and everything went well she is now doing great , i also gave birth to a baby boy called Kye Curtis on 10th july 07 he was 8lb 7oz
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mising u my lil angel
my darling nathan , not a day goes by were i dont think of u and miss u with all my heart , i know that no matter how far away i am u will always be in my heart , we all love u so very much and we will always miss u
sweet dreams my lil angel love u always and forever
mummy xxxx
with love from Emma x
To Nathan,
R.I.P little one.
everyone one loves u and thinks about u everyday. ure brothers send u love they miss u so much. i hope and pray ure happy every day with the angels above.
lots of love and cuddles from aunty Emma xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Your Forever In My Heart
Last night while I was trying to sleep,
My son's voice I did hear
I opened my eyes and looked around
But he did not appear.
He said 'Mom you've got to listen,
You've got to understand
God didn't take me from you, Mom
He only took my hand
When I called out in pain that night,
The instant that I died,
He reached down and took my hand,
And pulled me to his side.
He pulled me up and saved me
From the misery and pain
My body was hurt so badly inside,
I could never be the same.
My search is really over now,
I've found happiness within,
All the answers to my empty dreams
And all that might have been.
I love you and miss you so,
And I'll always be nearby.
My body's gone forever,
But my spirit will never die!
And so, mom, you must go on now,
Live one day at a time.
Just understand-
God did not take me from you, mom,
He only took my hand.
Author Unknown
As i layed u down to sleep
i preyed to the lord for our love to keep
Then one nite he came and saw
a little boy with wings to sore.
He sent he's angels from heaven aboth to a special boy
who had so much love,
it was there and then the angels sang
to a special boy who had other plans.
He's time on earth was hard and short
but the lessons he gave
will be hard and frant.
but with each passing day
as hard as it is
you'll remember the love
and the time he was given.
See not all angels are sent here to stay,
some are lent to us too early there taken away
But there here for a resion
one we must learn
its a hard lesson to take on
but its one we can all learn.
To love and to cherish
no matter the odd's,
Your nathan was special
and now he's with god.
He came down to you
to show u the way
of life of green pastors
and sorrow and pain.
but it wasn't done to hurt u
to cry and feel pain
it was teach u to help other
that knows of your pain.
So smile today
at the heavens a both
of a angel sent down,
for u to love.
Smile at he's wonder
smile at he's love
the lesson he gave you
will help others to love.
written for Nathan plz do not copy ty
An angel was watching,
Through heaven’s open door,
Her fiery locks tumbling,
Like tears from her mother’s eye.
I’m sorry I had to leave you Mummy,
I’m sorry I had to go.
I couldn’t stay any longer,
But I want you to know,
The heavens are filled with love,
From Mummies just like you,
Who love their angels dearly
And really miss them too.
It wraps around our bodies,
And cradles us as we sleep.
It forms each and every feather,
In our gentle angel wings.
Love that’s very special is so strong,
Caries us to the highest heights,
And always brings us home,
Into our mother’s hearts,
And hugs us there so tight,
We will live forever more.
I’m sorry I had to leave you Mummy,
I’m sorry I had to go.
But I know how much you love me.
And I love you so.
It warms me every night,
Like the softest blankets snug,
To know how much you care for me,
That my memories live with you.
I know your wings are broken Mummy,
From this heavy weight you bear.
But as I sit here watching you,
Each and every day.
I’m busy making feathers,
Especially for you.
I’ll teach you how to fly again,
I’ll return your love in full,
And mend these broken wings dear Mum,
So you can soar with me too.
Don\'t Cry Mommy
I know your heart is broken,
from the pain of losing me...
but Mommy, I’m so happy,
if only you could see.
There are angels all around me,
with flowers in their hair...
this place is filled with beauty,
God’s love is everywhere.
He spared me from the sorrow,
that your earth has come to know...
so please don’t worry, Mommy,
'cause Jesus loves me so.
Heaven’s light shines brightly,
on my little angel face...
if only you could see me,
your pain would be erased.
Such happiness is waiting,
and one day you will see...
we'll finally meet in heaven,
forever, you and me.
In Memory Of Those Who Have Died Of Cancer
Rest in peace, you are now an angel in heaven free out of pain. Please visit the site i created in memory of all those who have died of cancer, as i know it needs awareness. You can leave a photo of your loved one who has past away from cancer, or light a candle in memory of them. You can also come together with other people and discuss with others who feel your pain.
To find the site, just type in 'In Memory' in the search box and it is the first site that comes up - titled 'In Memory Of Those Who Have Died Of Cancer' Thank you. x
with love for Nathan xxx
_______/ .- , '_________`. -. ..______
_______.. ` /`__________' .. ' /______
_ LOVE__`-/___' a___a`___..-'______ __
_________|____, '(_)`.____|_ALWAYS_ _ __
_________..___( ._|_. )___/_________
__________..___`.__, '___/__________
__________.-`.______ _, '-._NATHAN JOEL XXX___
________, '__, '___`-'___`.__ `._______
_______/___/_____L__ ___..___..____
_____, '____/_____o______. .___`.___
___, '_____|______V_____ __|_____`._
__|_____, '|______E_______|`. _____|
___`.__, '_.-.._____x______/ -._`.__, '__
_________/_`.____o__ __, '__.._______
__.''-._, '______`._:_, '_______`., -''.__
_/_, -._`_______)___(________ '_, -.__..
(_(___`._____, '_____`.______, '___)_)
_.._..____..__, '________`.____/___ /_/__
__`.`._, '_/_____________.._ _`._, ', '____
___`.__.-'_____ _________`-.___,
so sad
ive just read what happened to this little lad and its heartbreaking ; not many things in life affects me like this;
good night sweetheart watch over your mummy whos in bits ;
good night Katrina ; read my sons site if you like and my baby daughter lindsay; its very hard love but time is a great healer ; you never get over your loss ;you just learn to cope one day at a time
love always
Alison and family
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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